rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The air was thick with penises
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
