I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
