I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
