you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
