I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
