why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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