He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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