do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize