My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
