GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
