Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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