she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
