I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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