I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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