You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
