Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
