Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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