I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
That's how pantless uber rides happen
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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