your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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