upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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