haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize