well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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