He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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