it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
