it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
