just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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