wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
