Just fell off a train. Bad.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize