She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
