at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
