this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
