between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
