The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm too high and old for this...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
