he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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