Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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