I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize