i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
