I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
