waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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