I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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