Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
