i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
