I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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