I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
