dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
