ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
