You're a womanizer and a bitch.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize