I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
