also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
