I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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