final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
