foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
