Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Randomize
