I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Congratulations! We have a period
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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