Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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