Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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