were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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