remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
