even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
40s are totally the cure
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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