Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
