we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
