Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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