The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize