waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
