Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
