Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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