So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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