Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol â¤â¤ also dont tell anyone
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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