Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
