omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
