I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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