I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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