and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
