you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
