I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
