You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
