are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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