It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
