I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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