Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
