I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
