I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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