I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
