Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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