You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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