3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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