please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
