Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
