The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize