Need sex. Gaining weight.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
