No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
