I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
