Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
