Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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