the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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