Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
