It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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