We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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