I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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