Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
