Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
