hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
