Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
